


Raine Lionheart Presents: Jam Buds Week 2020

by RaineLionheart



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, F/M, Fluff, Friendship, Humor, Love, Pearl Swears, Pet Adoption, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-03
Updated: 2020-02-09
Packaged: 2021-02-25 17:07:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22399651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RaineLionheart/pseuds/RaineLionheart
Summary: Seven Days. Seven Drabbles. Two Dorks. One Ship.Welcome aboard the USS Connverse. Destination: Your Heart.
Relationships: Connie Maheswaran & Steven Universe, Connie Maheswaran/Steven Universe
Comments: 33
Kudos: 54





	1. Dance

**Author's Note:**

> I may be flexible when it comes to other ships in this series, but my absolute hands-down, God tier OTP will _always_ be Connverse. These two were made for each other. Nobody is as goofy and sweet as these two.
> 
> Seven days means seven really sweet, silly or downright dumb drabbles. This isn't going to be a deep, stirring look at Steven and Connie's relationship. It's going to be two dorks madly in (unspoken, teenage) love doing dumb things. And I'm going to enjoy every minute of writing it.
> 
> Enjoy! There are no lifeboats on the USS Connverse! WE DIE LIKE GEMS!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven and Connie compare dance moves.

"Have you ever seen 'The Dizzy Wallaby'?" Steven shouted over the music. His motions made Connie giggle.

"Oh yeah?" She retorted. "Well _this_ is the 'Twelve Bows of Mysteria the Mysterious'!" Connie proceeded to bow as she spun around wildly. Twelve bows indeed. She was only mostly dizzy when she had finished.

Steven was doubled over laughing. Once he regained his breath, he said, "Okay, how about the ‘Pot of Soup Disaster’?"

"The ‘Baseball Delusion’!"

"The 'Deep Fried Casanova'!"

"The ‘Bob’s Dog Levitates’!"

"The 'Hurt Cake’!”

"The 'Hindu Death Exercise'!"

Steven came to a halt. "Is that a real one?"

Connie dissolved into giggles, taking Steven down with her. They continued to throw ridiculous word salad names at each other, making even more complex and awkward motions.

“The ‘Got Your Nose, But Not Your Heart’!”

“The ‘Twenty-Seven Ducks Of Madge Ferguson’!”

“The ‘Baby’s First Pole Vault’!”

“The ‘Canadian Pope Meets Cookie Cat’!”

“The ‘Kafafalism’!”

"'Billy Yum Yum's Two-By-Four'!"

“How about the ‘Will You Two Can It Already’?” Amethyst groaned, face down on the couch.

The duo exchanged evil grins before crying, “Okay!” and, as one, dogpiled her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are two direct references to some of my favorite comedy in here. My undying love to George Carlin (“Hindu Death Exercise”) and the Superego Podcast (“Kafafalism(s)”). There’s also a play on a Superego line (Originally “The Thirty-Seven Wives of Duck Ferguson”, which seemed like a bit of a stretch for a Steven Universe fic. The line is from episode 2:12, from the second “Hollywood Golden Guild Awards” sketch.)  
> "Billy Yum Yum's Two By Four" is from my sister's favorite podcast, Hello From the Magic Tavern.


	2. Singing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stevonnie's friends and family assure them that they have a great singing voice.

Stevonnie was listening to music alone in the living room of the Beach House. They tapped their hand in time to the steady, sharp drum beats, nodding their head to the bass. They were singing.

_ I love you! _

_ I need you! _

_ I want you! _

_ I've always been around you! _

_ Hey there! _

_ What has come into your royal mind? _

_ Sew the weight of commentate amour _

_ We close the door! _

_ (A little more a little more a little more a little more, a little more…) _

Unbeknownst to the distracted fusion, Amethyst was standing in the doorway of the Temple. She grinned as she listened. While Stevonnie was certainly no stranger to the Crystal Gems, Amethyst was sure that none of them had heard them sing before. So she was thrilled to have wandered in when she did. With a smirk, she tip-toed across the Beach House, stopping just feet from their left.

She pounced.

They caught.

Amethyst found her face in Stevonnie's hand, her momentum halting. With a flick of their wrist, the fusion sent their friend flying back a few feet. Amethyst landed on her feet and barked with laughter.

"I dunno how you heard me over this music, man," she said, flopping down onto the couch.

Pausing the music, the fusion posited, "I guess my ears are a little sharper than they used to be."

"Not sharp enough," came Garnet's voice from above.

The pair looked up to find the leader of the Crystal Gems hanging off the support beam above their heads by her legs. She offered a smug grin before producing Cat Steven from behind her back. "Here, hold this," she told Stevonnie, handing them an upside-down cat, whom they righted and stroked.

Garnet dismounted and landed in front of the couch.

"You were singing," Garnet stated.

Stevonnie blushed and chuckled nervously, stroking Cat Steven gently. "Hehe, yeah. Just a little." They buried their hands under their armpits. "I'm not really that good…"

"WHAT? You are  _ so  _ good 'Vonnie!" Amethyst insisted.

The fusion bit their lip. She was just saying that. Yeah, Steven had a great voice, but Connie…

_ Connie has a beautiful voice!  _ Stevonnie argued.

_ It's ok. It's nothing special.  _

"Nonsense!" They said aloud. They realized how that must have sounded. Shaking their head, they explained, "Sorry. Just a little disagreement from the peanut gallery." They tapped their temple with a finger.

"Stevonnie." Garnet adjusted her visor before speaking again. "I know that you have some doubts about your abilities. But let us assure you that you do have a wonderful voice. And so does Connie."

The screen door creaked open, admitting Pearl. Before anyone acknowledged her, she put in, "What's wrong with Connie's voice? I think its lovely."

"Right?" Amethyst ground out. "Jeez, just take the stupid compliment."

"Please do! This line of conversation is very distracting!" came Peridot's voice from the bathroom. Wait, when had…

"Yeah, we were enjoying the music!" Lapis' voice put in, also from the bathroom.

Bismuth yelled from outside, "Sing that one about the burning train again!"

Surrounded by their friends and family, being cajoled into singing, made Stevonnie beam.

_ Do I really have- _

_ Yes Connie! _

Stevonnie snorted with laughter and grinned.

"All right, all right! I get it." They took a deep breath and said, "Any requests?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stevonnie was singing [True North](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CFM3p2ACelY) by the Devin Townsend Project. Bismuth was referencing another of their songs, [Trainfire](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M06vB9YeIjw).
> 
> Bonus moment when Jasper appears and tells Stevonnie to sing [You Suck](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cFpqbHUiabc) by SYL.


	3. Contact

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A brief text exchange.

_ StUn: why wuz the strawberry baby sad? _

_ CoMa: steven no _

_ StUn: yes1 _

_ StUn: *! _

_ CoMa: no _

_ StUn: if you do this for me _

_ Ill have lion take us to _

_ tokyo this weekend _

_ CoMa:... _

_ CoMa:... _

_ StUn: come on!!!1 _

_ CoMa: why was the baby _

_ strawberry sad? _

_ StUn: because his mommy _

_ was in a jam! _

_ StUn: ;=D _

_ CoMa:... _

_ CoMa: I'm divorcing you _

_ StUn: but we're not even married!!!!! _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Steven and Connie's handles come from the phenomenal epic [Connieswap](https://archiveofourown.org/series/630527) series. They are too good not to use.  
> I used this joke because I think it's literally the cleanest one I know. So I have that going for me.


	4. Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A rainy day together.

Rain spattered atop the roof of the Beach House. Aside from the crackling of the fire place, it was silent.

A nest of blankets and pillows surrounded the fire place. Bags of junk food, empty soda cans, comic books and playing cards were strewn all over.

Outside, the sky lit up with a brilliant burst of sheet lightning. Several seconds later came the rumbling of thunder.

In the center of the nest, nineteen year old Connie Maheswaran was snuggled up to her boyfriend, twenty year old Steven Universe. She could hear him breathing softly, her hand on his chest rising and falling with each breath.

She smiled. They'd been here for hours now, enjoying their time together before Connie headed up state for her next semester of college. Steven had been adamant that they enjoy this wet, stormy day inside, just the two of them. Pearl was out on a date with Sheena, Garnet was in Little Homeworld, giving her weekly class on fusion, and Amethyst was spending some time on Homeworld with the Famethyst. They had all afternoon to themselves. 

Connie smiled as she thought about how her parents would react catching them like this. Her father would be abashed, but accepting, she was sure.

Her mother would probably bring a crowbar.

Another flash of lightning, and another rumble of thunder. With a contented sigh, Connie nuzzled up closer to Steven. He made a small noise and his arms tightened around her slightly.

"Come on Yellow, you can go bowling later," Steven mumbled in his sleep.

Connie giggled as quietly as she could, then lifted her head, leaned over and placed a kiss on his forehead.

This was perfect.


	5. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connie and Steven adopt a cat.

"Welcome to Cookie's Place!"

A short, plump woman with short brown hair and glasses ushered Steven and Connie into the main hallway of the shelter. She wore a pair of sweat pants and a t-shirt that read Cat ~~Owner~~ Slave on the back. She was bubbling with nervous energy.

"I'm so glad that you could make it on such short notice. It seems that Rocket's last test came back as a negative, so I'm afraid that we need to keep him quarantined for another month."

Connie sighed, but Steven nodded, ever the diplomat.

"That's a shame," he said. "For us I mean!" He grinned sheepishly. "It'd be awesome if he didn't have FIV after all!"

He nudged Connie, who stiffly nodded. "Yeah. _Awesome._ "

The woman - Joyce, her name tag read - had clearly been through this sort of exchange before. She patted Connie on the shoulder.

"Not to worry my dear. There are plenty of other boys waiting for their forever homes. Maybe you'd like to meet some of them?"

Connie nodded, though she was still disappointed. She had met the young Rocket, a small Siamese cat, the weekend before, when she'd gone by herself to the shelter. She'd fallen head over heels for the tiny cat immediately. In fact, the woman in charge that day had had to send Connie on her way - an hour after closing.

But if Rocket's FIV tests had produced false positives, then they'd either have to wait until his health was cleared and adopt him then, or find a new cat with FIV.

This was the crux of the problem.

Connie's roommate at college, Romy, had adopted several cats over her life, all with either FIV or feline leukemia. These were cats that were abandoned at a young age, and had contracted the virus from feral or street cats. An auto-immune disorder, FIV was considered a death sentence, and Romy had told Connie that many veterinarians tried to talk her out of it, citing bills and constant care as factors.

Connie felt a kinship for anyone, or anything, that was in need. And you couldn't get much more in need than a kitten with a terminal illness.

So naturally, Connie was torn as Joyce led her and Steven down the hall to the main "boys' room". On the one hand, Rocket might be in perfect health, and that would definitely be a load off, as far as medical bills were concerned. And his life expectancy would be normal.

But what about all the other cats here? There were dozens here, all abandoned and in dire straits.

How could she live with herself if she didn't help one of them instead?

Looking into the room from behind the glass, she counted about a dozen cats of all ages, sizes and breeds. In one corner was a large kennel. A tall scratching post, several smaller ones, toys, beds, a couch...

The room was spacious, and Connie spotted a cat flap in the door on the far wall, leading out to a roofed and fenced in patio. A pair of kittens were eating from a kibble bowl. One large, fluffy black cat was perched upon the tall scratching post, glaring down at everything. Its face was pinched in a perpetual scowl.

Joyce produced a bottle of hand sanitizer from her pocket and offered it to the couple. "If you're going to pet the cats, please use this before and after. We don't want to risk infecting them with anything from the outside."

Steven nodded and proceeded to coat his hands.

As he did, Connie found herself staring at the black fluff on the scratching post. It seemed to notice her and as it turned its head to her, its ears pricked up. It let out a yawn, its tongue left sticking out slightly.

Connie felt her heart melt a tiny bit.

Steven handed her the bottle, and she too administered the sanitizer. She held it out to Joyce, who smiled and led them inside.

Steven, who had never been to an animal shelter before, immediately coughed and covered his nose.

"Sorry! Sorry, I just-- I--" 

But Joyce waved her hand at him. "No worries Mr. Universe. We know how strong the smell can get. That's the reality of caring for so many cats."

She closed the door behind her, careful not to let one of the slinkier little creatures out.

"Please take as much time as you need. If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to ask."

"Actually, I have a few questions," Steven said. "See, I have a pet lion…"

As much as Connie was tempted to listen to this guaranteed awkward conversation, she was more interested in the cats around her. The pair at the kibble bowl ignored them, but one on the couch chirped curiously at her. With a smile Connie knelt down and presented her hand for olfactory inspection. The cat - a typical orange calico - leaned in and let Connie scratch behind the ears.

"Awww, look at you," she cooed. "Aren't you just the--"

CHOMP

"AARGH!" Connie shrieked, pulling her hand back, an expression of betrayal on her face. "You bit me!" The offending cat bolted.

"Oh dear," Joyce tutted. "Are you okay?"

Connie blushed as she examined her hand. No broken skin; it must have been instincts that caused her to overreact.

"I'm fine," she groaned. "Just caught off guard." She presented her hand, showing two dark spots.

Steven tsked softly and placed a kiss on the "wound", relieving her of the minor pain.

"Harvey has a temper," Joyce said. "One second, he's a sweetheart, the next he's trying to tear you apart."

Steven glanced at Connie. "Soooo…"

" _Not him_ ," she growled.

With a sheepish grin, Steven turned his attention back to Joyce.

With a soft sigh, Connie decided to check out the patio. She pulled the door open, standing aside as a large white cat pushed through first. She closed the door behind her, then turned to examine the space. There were four cars here. Two were curled up in a bed by the fence on the far side of the enclosure. Against the opposite wall, the white cat was playing with a toy, while the fourth lazed on a ceiling beam, staring down at the active one.

She approached that one first. Careful not to disturb the mighty little killer at her feet, she offered her hand out.

The lazy tabby narrowed its eyes and growled in warning. Connie retracted her arm.

_Being rejected by a cat is oddly demoralizing._

She attempted to play with the other cat, but it immediately got bored and walked away. It passed the fluffy black cat from earlier and slipped through the cat flap.

Connie huffed. This was not going the way she had planned.

Feeling defeated, Connie returned to the other room and sat down on the couch. She didn't want to admit it, but she was rather let down that Rocket was in quarantine. She'd been daydreaming all week about him, and now… oh, she didn't know.

"Mmmrowph?"

The cushion she was seated on sank as the fluffy black cat she had seen earlier leapt onto the couch beside her. It stared up at her with sharp, narrow green eyes. It asked again.

"Mmmmrowph?"

Connie stared for a moment, a little leery of offering her hand again, but she needn't have worried, because the cat began to rub his large, rather hard head against her arm, purring loudly.

Connie melted a little more. Its eyes were closed, and its paws were flexing, kneading at the fabric of the cushion. When it opened its eyes, Connie took the risk and proffered her hand again.

The black cat didn't even sniff her; he merely rammed the top of his head against her open palm, rubbing against her.

A brilliant smile appeared on her face.

The cat then proceeded to flip over onto his side and to Connie's delight, began to rub one of his paws against his face, as if he were petting himself. He made this motion three times before staring up at Connie expectantly.

She took his cue and ran her fingers over his face. With snuffling breaths, the shaggy black thing sniffed her fingers for a moment before melting into her touch.

Within two minutes, Connie was pinned down, having fallen victim to the feline's scheme to commandeer her lap.

Steven and Joyce watched as Connie's mood slowly shifted from frustration to pure bliss. He grinned at the woman.

"What's his name?"

His name was Lonny. It became short for Lonely Blade.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is based on my sister and I adopting our first two FIV kitties from a shelter called Katie's Place, who shelter FIV and fe-luke cats. Despite the stigma attached, we're enthusiastic about spreading awareness and helping cats like ours find happy homes for the remainder of their shortened lives. They require a lot of special attention and some medical costs, but it's all worth it.  
> My sister and I adopted Raven (short for Ravenpaw, his name at the shelter) and Tennyson (changed from Tedison) in 2014. We had originally gone to adopt a pair named Barnes and Noble, but one of them had been retested for FIV, and the test came back negative, prompting the shelter to quarantine him for the time being. The other, we learned, did not like... well, us.  
> Meanwhile, this tabby had started following me around, and I couldn't help but fall in love with the chonky little bugger now known as Tenn. Raven came along because he was good with other cats and had a wonderful temperment.  
> Raven passed two years later, and now we have another FIV, Zen (nee Sainsbury). Tenn has slowed down a lot, and has a few FIV-related health problems, but he's happy. He'll be eight this year, having spent six with us.  
> For more information on FIV and Katie's Place (located in Maple Ridge, British Columbia) please visit the  
> [Katie's Place website](http://katiesplaceshelter.com/).


	6. Shield

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After White’s comments about Earth, Connie reminds her how badly off Homeworld is, and the reaction is the dumbest thing I could ever dream up. Takes place during Steven Universe: The Movie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really stretched it for this prompt. Enjoy, and try not to miss the brain cells that are about to die.

White Diamond spared a glance around the immediate vicinity. Several of the human dwellings were destroyed. The roads were flooded with a luminous pink fluid. There was a large cloud of black smoke above a massive crater in a nearby hill.

With a frown, she turned back to Steven.

"Has your planet always been this… destroyed? "

Before Blue Diamond could interject, Connie responded with an angry, "At least _our_ planet is in _one piece_."

There was a shocked silence.

Then, Pearl of all people cried, " _Awwwww_ _shiiiiiiit_!"

"Aaaaah!" Peridot screamed in awe.

"Burn!" yelled Lapis.

"Damn Connie! That was sick!" shouted Amethyst. Her Gem lit up and she pulled a pair of sunglasses out and put them on Connie's smug face.

"Looks like you just got Maheswaran'd," Garnet deadpanned.

White looked taken aback, while Blue seemed to be stifling a laugh. With a sneer, Yellow Diamond towered over the Crystal Gems.

"You little…" Electricity crackled between her clenched fingers. "How dare you?! I've been sitting on that diss for _millennia_!"

Connie took a step back, but Steven was in front of her instantly, his shield forming on his arm.

"C'mon Yellow. She dropped that diss, fair and square. You snooze, you lose."

Arms crossed, face set in a frown, the sunglasses-wearing teenager nodded once.

Yellow Diamond muttered something under her breath, but stepped back in line with her fellow matriarchs.

Steven shot Connie a grin, which she smugly returned.

 _Nobody disses our home_ , she thought to herself.

Meanwhile, Spinel seemed to sag with relief. At least she wasn't the craziest person there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a dumb idea that I got after watching the movie for the dozenth time.  
> Connie is a total badass, and Pearl would have her back 100%.


	7. Future

The door to the writers' room flew open with a  _ crack _ ! A dozen heads turned as a dark haired figure stormed in, dragging a shorter young man behind her. He met one of the writers' eyes and mouthed an apology.

The young woman dragged him to the head of the table and glared down at one woman in particular, who seemed to be avoiding her glare.

" _ Sugar _ ," she hissed. "What. The. Actual. Fu--"

"Connie, no! We can't use coarse language!" her compatriot cried.

"Can it, Steven!" She barked.

The woman Connie was glaring down at was trying to handle this as carefully as she could. She had her hands up in defense.

"Look Connie, we got the okay from Cartoon Network to do a second season of SU:F next year, so we'll be bringing you back-"

"I don't care about the next season!" Connie raged. She thrust a finger at Steven. "He needed me Rebecca! More than ever! You saw what Bluebird Azurite tried! You saw how he reacted when Lars told him he and the Off-Colors were leaving!  _ And that cactus _ ? Steven needs me! I'm his strawberry!"

"...and I'm her biscuit," a shame-faced Steven added lamely. He was visibly embarrassed.

Rebecca's wide eyes fell on Steven. She'd never seen him look so… defeated.

He caught her concerned gaze and meekly said, "She won't listen to me."

"I hate having to say this," Connie fumed, "but within the context of the show, I'm kind of a big deal." Her eyes flashed. "And all I got was a  _ cameo _ ?"

Rebecca glanced at Ian and Joe. The two shrugged. They looked to Jeff, who looked away, whistling to himself.

Finally, Lamarr blurted, "It was Mackenzie's idea."

"No it wasn't!" Ian sighed and glared at Lamarr. "Look Connie, we know how it looks right now."

"Yeah,  _ bad _ ," she sneered.

"Connie," he tried to be firm and yet soothing. "You remember that argument we all had at the top of season two? You know, Full Disclosure?"

The young woman nodded.

"And do you remember what we promised you, if you just went along with the storyline?"

She frowned, but nodded. Back then, when she was still a barely formed character, they'd made it seem as though Steven wanted to cut her out of his life. After a frantic meeting with the writers, they had revealed that nothing of the sort was going to happen. It was a false premise to drive the episode along.

It was mildly reassuring for her, but at the same time, she felt under utilized and flat. She craved development and dimension.

So Rebecca and Ian had offered to have Pearl teach her how to fight.

Connie suspected that they had been planning on that from the start, but she wasn't sure.

Her focus returned to Ian.

"Yeah, I do."

"Well, we have big plans for you and Steven this coming season."

Connie raised an eyebrow critically.  _ This had better be good.  _

"What did you have in mind?"

Rebecca spoke first. "How does fusing with Pearl sound?"

Connie's eyebrow twitched. Inside, she was squealing with joy. Honestly, on any other day, that would have been enough to satisfy her. But right now, it wasn't. Not after that horrible episode with that cactus.

She remained silent. Unwavering. 

"How about a car?" Joe asked.

Connie gestured to Steven. "All set."

Jeff put in, "Spacecraft?"

_ Oh, you evil little… that's so tempting... _

But she remained firm.

"I think you all know what I want."

From the end of the table a woman stood up and yelled, "We are  _ not _ killing off Kevin! There'll be no pay off for the Sabina arc!"

Connie scoffed. "Come on Hillary!"

"Nobody is killing anyone off," Rebecca said firmly. She paused, then leveled her gaze on Connie.

"Connie… I'm sorry we cut you from this season. At the very least,  _ someone  _ should have told you before the premiere." She shot Jeff a glare, and he rightfully sank into his chair. "But the season is out now, and we can't change it. So I promise to make it up to you."

Her expression was as earnest as ever. Connie knew that she couldn't stay mad at her, but was resolute to not back down.

"I hope so," she finally said. "I'll take fusing with Pearl for sure, but I don't think I really want my own ship… yet."

"Is there anything else we can do?" Ian implored.

Smirking, Connie replied, "Yeah. Call up Grace Kraft and Jesse Zuke. You guys are bringing Opal back this season." She thrust her first above her head and roared, "Hashtag  _ Hopal for Opal!" _

She dragged Steven to the door. The young man smiled weakly and waved before the door was slammed shut.

A moment later, Connie opened the door again, stuck her head in and said, "Oh, by the way. Congrats Rebecca, Ian." She nodded to the bemused couple before slamming the door again.

Ian groaned and rubbed his eyes wearily.

"At least she wasn't as bad as Spinel."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there you have it. Seven Jam Bud ficlets. All silly, fluffy or dumb.  
> This one was the perfect prompt. I knew exactly what I wanted to do when I saw it. Admittedly, I was a little let down by Steven Universe: Future. Not entirely - I loved all the uncorrupted Gem storylines, and Snow Day was a perfect fan service episode - but as far as I'm concerned, the writers committed a mortal sin by cutting Connie. Especially in light of what Steven is currently going through. I have high hopes for the next season, and that they've just been setting up for something great.  
> I know that not all the writers I mentioned are still working on the show, but I wanted to give them a shout out too. And my apologies to everyone I didn't mention. And yes, Mackenzie is MK Atwood. She's awesome.  
> That's it. I hope you all enjoyed it. I certainly did. This was my first theme week, and I really enjoyed it.  
> Till next time!


End file.
